Sunlight Bring Me Home
by Sithisis
Summary: A patronus is supposed to represent the happiest moments of one's life. A collection of Snape's memories with Lily.


When you first met her, it was during a mid-summer's afternoon.

You had escaped the yelling of your father and quivering of your mother, scared and angry and guilty and an array of many other emotions.

You ran to a forest clearing as a safe spot to calm yourself down and just be away from it all.

Only someone was already there. And she was crying.

You asked her what was wrong, and her first reaction was of fear. You saw it in her eyes and understood it immediately, as you were familiar with the feeling, after all.

After exchanging quiet words and you telling her about what you've been through, too, she admitted that she had some kind of forbidden power. She told you that she had, in a spout of anger, used such power against her sister by accident.

It was then that you told her about magic.

Her eyes were then no longer of fear, no longer of misery. The brilliant green of them light up and the sunlight reflected upon them.

No, not merely green. Emerald.

The sunlight was warm against your back as you both excitedly chatted away about the wizarding world in which you will both soon enroll.

Your cheeks were warm, too. But you thought nothing of it, as you were only glad to have someone who understood you.

You were glad to have a friend.

* * *

She was not merely your friend, but rather your best friend.

You spent a lot of time together, despite her finding out that you lived at Spinner's End. While it was a walking distance from her house, you knew that in comparison, her family were better off. And while you had always known that you lived in a poverty-stricken neighbourhood and known about the difference between your families, your best friend didn't mind. She didn't care.

Her sister, however, did mind and did care. You would often find Lily stressed about her relationship with Petunia, as the latter threw tantrums and lashed out against Lily for minor reasons.

You drew the line when Petunia, unbeknownst to Lily and you, followed you both to a visit to the forest glade one afternoon. She had jumped up from the bushes, pointing an accusing finger at you both, and shouted with utmost glee about how Lily was truly a witch up to no good. Petunia's glee turned to joy as she saw Lily's tears.

Was it fear? Was it hatred? Was it jealousy?

You extended your hand out, a threatening gesture to scare off Petunia. You were also about to cast a silencing spell against your knowledge of the illegality of using underage magic, when Lily's arms were at your waist, gripping tightly.

You looked at her, then. You looked at her as if you two were the only ones in the glade and you saw her brilliant emerald eyes reflected by the sun… and her tears.

You seized your spell and opted to simply glare at Petunia instead, who was then petrified despite of no spell having been cast on her.

As soon as the moment began, it ended, as Petunia fled the scene. Lily chased after her, shouting apologies to her sister, while you sat back down in anger. You did not understand why it was Lily who had to apologize. After all, she did nothing wrong.

* * *

When you both made it to Hogwarts and the Sorting Hat ceremony began, you were ecstatic. You were so sure that Lily and you will be in the same house.

But when the hat was placed upon her, and it shouted a resounding "Gryffindor", your blood ran cold. You were best friends. You both understood each other at an indescribable, integral level. And yet…

Lily's smile was radiant, then. Her eyes glittered and it seemed to rival all the magic in the world. You convinced yourself that you were okay with this. Of course you were okay. Lily was happy. Finally happy.

After being assigned to Gryffindor, however, Lily did not immediately go to its respective table.

Instead, she went up to you.

The Slytherins sneered at her, but Lily was unfazed as she took both of your hands in hers. She promised that you will remain best friends despite the differences, and against everything, against all of the history among the houses, you believed her.

* * *

Lily was fascinated by Charms, and as if the complete opposite, you were fascinated by the Dark Arts.

When the years at Hogwarts went by, you both saw each other less and less often. However, the friendship was still there. Lily still stood up for you, despite her being a "foolish Gryffindor" and you being a "slimy Slytherin."

Some things could never be changed. Yet change was inevitable when you delved into the Dark Arts and Lily, influenced, you thought, by Gryffindor foolishness and that of James Potter, of all people, became more and more against your interests.

You found solace in the Dark Arts and potions and improving upon spells. And with the Dark Lord's blessing, you felt, for the first time ever in your life, powerful.

You were then someone who was not the little boy running away from a yelling father and a quivering mother. You were not the little boy who was unable to protect Lily from her own sister. You were not the person who was always, always getting bullied by James Potter.

You were Severus Snape, and you were powerful.

* * *

Was power the only end? And was it worth everything?

When James Potter came up with the cruel plan to get you killed by none other than his very own friend, Remus Lupin, you felt anger unlike any other before.

You wondered if Remus Lupin was truly James' friend, or a poor, lycanthropic soul who was desperate to find friendship and James knew it and used him towards his own ends.

In your anger, and in the middle of being bullied by James, you saw her. Lily ran up to them and began to defend you, but -

You were powerful. Or so you liked to believe.

You were angry and full of hate and so tired of it all.

And that was when you called Lily a word that officially ended your friendship.

Her eyes, emerald and bright and reflected by the sun, turned dull like fallen green leaves that day.

* * *

Funny - how despite of everything, your later discovered that your patronus was that of hers - the doe.

* * *

Was it fear? Was it hatred? Was it jealousy?

When Lily started dating James Potter, you felt many things.

When Lily invited you to the wedding and baby shower, you outright refused.

When Lily and James had a son together, you, again, felt a plethora of emotions.

When the Dark Lord took Lily's life, you didn't know what to feel anymore.

When Lily's son by the name of Harry Potter entered your cold, cold classroom, a splitting, mocking image of his father and with the brilliant emerald eyes of his mother, you were reminded of the first time you met Lily.

You remembered her eyes, her warmth, and the sunlight of that mid-summer's afternoon.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave a fav, review, or a follow.


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